Money does not go flying into your hands. We have to earn it, but even with all that hard work we get so little. It’s just a wasted effort. Why do rich people work less, but get more? I’ll tell you why—corruption and illegal business. If you want cash in your pockets, a little five finger discount could be an answer. Maybe a heist to rob a bank or go to a rich white neighborhood and mug them saying it is just business. I read an article somewhere that the government is made up of mostly average white men who are in the high middle income of society. They steal our money and say it is just business why not do the same thing? If stealing isn’t your thing, do not worry there are other options. For instance, if you have the perseverance, you can become a drug lord in the cartel or a leader of a mafia.

           

Do you ever get tired of being told you need to eat healthy by virtually everyone? The solution is simple: do not eat a school lunch, even though it is deemed “healthy” by the state. The meal you’ll receive will have only enough to feed a small child. For those of us teenagers who have a mighty appetite the meals provided look like little appetizers. They’re basically starving us to the point where we are forced to bring our own food which they have defined as unhealthy. Yet the food they give us is less than healthy, it contains particles the almost become ash beneath the touch of a person’s fingers. Or food that has grease pouring out of every pore of the piece of food to the point where it no longer looks or seems edible.

They claim that the food is healthy yet the salads are nearly a quarter of the suggested serving. The salads consist of over chemically produced vegetables that could kill any one person faster than a Mcdonald's cheeseburger ever could.These chemicals are potent enough to kill someone yet they’re given to people to eat and portrayed as healthy. The idea that Mcdonald’s is more deadly is nearly absurd considering I have yet to hear of an artificial burger managing to take life. They say that eating healthy is the key to losing weight but I saw a man on the news who claimed to have eaten a meal from Mcdonald’s every day for lunch, breakfast, and dinner for nearly a month and he lost more weight than anyone who had just eaten pure vegetables. From personal experience school lunches taste as bad as they look and are, especially when the meat is still raw and cold. No one wants a cold hot dog or rock solid bagel strong enough to crack adult teeth in one bite. The moral of this story is do not eat school lunch bring your own as it may be ever healthier.

“My name CAN cure cancer!”, was Kanye West's last statement he made on Twitter ™, before he bought it and renamed it Kanye’s Thoughts ™. We caught up with Yeezus himself in his own personal studio in his recently bought city West-anistan located in the Middle West (also purchased by Kanye). As we entered, I noticed pictures and paintings of Kanye West majestically holding pictures and paintings of himself, all the while holding more pictures and paintings of himself. I also noticed hanging on his wall his recently gained award for dentistry. Interesting I thought. Continuing down his elaborately decorated hallway named “Passage to the West”, I took notice to his framed collection of his most recent clothing line. Under each article of clothes was a placard telling the story of his Genius’s story of inspiration for that piece of clothing. Beneath a framed blank black T-shirt was a placard that read, “I saw Jay Z wear one”. Absolutely brilliant Kanye. As we approached the closed studio in which Kanye was so grandiosely waiting, I couldn’t help but feeling his presence. Almost as if the Messiah himself was waiting for me, me can you believe it, me an average BBC reporter. Gosh Golly Kanye’s the best. “Sit” he tells me. “Kanye its a-” I begin “pleasure to meet me too”, he replies. Oh man, if I was to describe the feeling that swept over me when Kanye answered my non-question statement for me; I would have to say it was almost as good as the day I first heard one of Kanye’s best hit singles “Billie Jean”. WOW. We started covering his daily life, mainly him telling me his own questions and then answering to them as if I asked them. Suddenly he switched. He actually diverted a question towards me! Oh this was the best interview ever! He asked, “How long it took ya to reach this place?”. I answered, “Well fir-”. I was cut off. “YOU DON’T GOT THE ANSWERS SWAY, YOU DON’T GOT THE ANSWERS!” From then on my name changed from John Bently Swinton to Sway. Just Sway.

In the United States there are laws that control and limit people from buying guns. These laws seem to be working perfectly like the U.S governments since a lot of people are walking out of gun stores with a big smile and a pile of guns. Today everyone in the United States has or owns a gun even a kid. This is because it’s so easy to buy a gun you just go to the store ask for a gun and you get one with no background checks or questions why bother with question it’s not like a guy has ever bought a gun in a store to shoot up a school or store it’s like buying a packet of gum. People buy guns they want to protect themselves and their families from dangerous people with guns who are doing the same thing protecting themselves and their belongings. Guns in the United States are as common as McDonalds or cell phones. Due to these laws high percentage of success in lowering the sales of guns in the U.S more laws have implemented to control the sales of guns. Since these laws were announced gun sales have increased in historic numbers showing how effective the U.S and their laws are. There are people in the U.S who disapprove of gun control because they believe people have the right to kill other people with the same rights. People who support guns say “guns don’t kill people, people kill people with guns.” Guns don’t kill people it just makes it easier. People would think twice before killing someone if there were no guns people would think to themselves do I have time to kill him, how am I going to kill him, that guys lucky I don’t have a gun just some of the thoughts people would have. Because gun sales have increased thanks to the laws passed by the U.S government they would want to limit the sale of ammo starting ammunition control laws that are supposed to decrease the sales of ammo but that will truly only increase the sales in the U.S. Soon gun control will cease to exist not because it’s not working but because there will be no guns to control.

Why are there many frustrated people out there in the streets? The reason why is because certain drivers are not eligible enough to be driving in the real world. Recently, I have experienced many cases where certain drivers go through the bike lanes, just because the traffic is running slow, which cause many accidents, probably its because they left their oven on in their apartment and was afraid of causing an incredible harm to the city. Also, recently, Obama warned several bikers that the rate of bikers would rate of bike sales has increased, which means that in the next few months the death rate of bikers would raise from twenty percent to seventy percent and out of that seventy percent 68.3% of them are men. I strongly suggest that all bike riders should now stop riding their bikes or else I can almost guarantee you won't be breathing by tomorrow. Instead, start saving up for a vehicle so you won’t have to suffer from any terrible injuries or even risking your death. I also consider that before you are able to get your drivers license, you should be assigned to take a certain type of test that determines your level of frustration.  

Asians , the overachievers , the scrawny and the nerds. We go on about our day thinking about how we can improve our World of Warcraft character or strategize in League of Legends . We read manga and have a strong fanbase to them as well. The love for expressing such absurd ideas “ I'm looking at you japan”

Asians suffer from a beneficial life sucking parasites called the overbearing parents. You got to achieve an A+ on the report card or on anything really. I remember my brother had a doctor’s appointment and my parents are receiving the medical report and the look on their faces when they saw what my brother’s blood type was. Theres also a common misconception that all asians are good at math that is a terrible idea made to burden the asians with math problems other people can't solve. I for one is horrible at mathematics and I remember having a good amount of people asking me for help with math , I just help them as much as I can and tell them goodluck. Theres a time when parents want their kids to become a lawyer , doctor or a dentist. I said I wanted to be a marine biologist and my mother laughed and said “Ha , for what to chase down godzilla?” I abruptly replied “yup” and never heard my mom questioned my career choice again. So , I became a writer. So next time you think of a stereotype , just nod and agree coming from a big asian guy who sucks at math.  

The lines at Foodmaxx are just ridiculous. Every single second of every day the line stretches all the way back to the end of the store. Notice I said line, not lines. There are employees in every aisle of the store stocking shelves that are already completely filled while there is only one lane open for checkout. In addition to this nonsense, people never care about signs anymore. Some customers with, at least, 300 items in their carts are so impatient they decide to check themselves out in the self-checkout lanes meant for 20 items or less.

Now that there are no more free bags, the store is under complete and utter chaos. Once there was an old, disabled woman in a wheelchair. She suddenly stood up out of no where and started yelling at the employees, “ It ain’t my fault y’all ran out of bags!” While the employees attempted to explain the situation, they never even received the chance to speak. First of all, people have to deal with parking. They drive around for hours refusing to have to walk miles from Big Lots, the store next door. Then, when they get inside Foodmaxx, they can’t get anywhere with their shopping carts. They consistently crash into each other one after another. Instead of avoiding each other by going around, they simply wait for the other to be done, causing even more traffic! This is unacceptable.    

Recently,  we have come across car wrecks, literally every second and we just naturally think “wow, how reckless..” How about we fix that issue and create a DIA (Do It Automatically) steering wheel? Even add in a PIA (Press It Automatically) breaks and acceleration. All you do is simply sit there and let the car literally drive you itself. No more being tired from turning the steering wheel, and also, technically you will not be violating the law of no Texting and driving or simply the overall law of not using your phone in general. With the DIA and PIA car improvements, they will be the eyes for you and will look out for your peripheral vision. When people just started to drive, they loved it the first few months and they loved the sense of freedom they were getting, but as they later start to get used to it, they become too lazy to drive anywhere just because it requires physical action. It is so much work that I do not understand why it is not considered a sport. So why not improve our future cars to be literally automated and let it drive itself. I mean in this generation, who wouldn’t want things done for them rather than actually doing it themselves? Give what the people are willing to pay for. If you think about it, by having this improvement in your car (DIA and PIA), you wouldn’t have to worry about multitasking or old slow grandmas and grandpas yelling and honking at you saying “Hurry up will ya, my mother drives faster than you!” when in reality, they should be the ones hurrying up because you don’t have to worry about speed due to your new and improved car. You also don’t have to worry about being called a bad driver as well as risking your own life because the car has a computer automated mind of its own so it sees what you see and it reacts the same way any smart person would react to avoid situations like so.

Let me ask you a question… what were you doing on September 11, 2004? Who did you talk too? What did you have for breakfast, lunch and dinner? What places did you visit? Unless you have an eidetic memory you probably do not remember anything of what you did on 09/11/04. What if that day there had been a homicide near wherever you were, and the police convicted you being part of it. How could you possibly prove that you were not involved in the homicide. Well there is good news, you would not have to prove anything because our government already know everything! How you ask ? Well thanks to the top organization in the government, the N.S.A(National Security Agency) With the N.S.A watching your every move, 24/7, you do not have to worry about anything. Their surveillance will protect me from threats and conspiracists trying to attack the government. In addition, if you forget accidently erase something from your computer or phone, you can just email the N.S.A and ask for the file, I am sure they will have it. Over 300 million Americans have trusted the N.S.A with all their information and the citizens don’t even know it! That is how good the N.S.A is at doing their job. You can say that the N.S.A is here to keep us safe from outside threats and from ourselves. The system might not have being good enough to keep us safe from “terrorists”  attacks in 2001 but at least it can keep us safe from us, the citizens. In the end no system is perfect. We all must be thankful to the N.S.A  for acquiring all of our information, all of it, and analyzing it to make sure we don’t pose a threat to the country so we all can live a safe, worry-free lifestyle. Remember, when you think no one is watching, the N.S.A is.

Many teens have Tumblr accounts. The addiction to this social media is so great that the demand for Tumblr apps on smart phones have increased. This forces the social site to create mobile apps, making these already brain dead teens even more idiotic. The app is downloaded for free and Tumblr has reached a global high, even Egyptian teens are able to access this app on their iRock 300 BCE mobile device. The mobile app does not help these teens and restrictions must be made in order to stop these teens from spending hundreds of hours reblogging gifs of their favorite T.V. shows that hint at characters’ homosexual attractions to each other.

    Tumblr can create ways to get teens off their websites and force these teens to get a life, or even better a brain. Tumblr can have a reblogging limit where teens can only blog a certain amount and if the teens still decide to stay on Tumblr, then a popup should block their view of their pages and replay the “Call Me Maybe” song by Carly Rae Jepsen over and over. Tumblr should also make it that teens cannot close this popup and that if they tried, another tab would appear over and over until their mobile devices malfunction and forcefully shuts down. This will not only stop the over reblogging of memes, but also force teens to get out and do something with their lives because they can’t even socially interact without clawing at each other’s faces. Teens are so socially different from one another that the only way they may find some link between their different worlds is a gif or a picture. This makes it harder for them to cooperate or even be civil to one another. Teens are more likely to mutilate each other, placing the spines of their enemies onto their walls of glory, drinking the blood as if it was the blood of Christ. Taking them off of Tumblr will train them to do something with their lives and train them to be less satanical, bloodthirsty hagravens before reaching adulthood.

On Thanksgiving Day we are meant to spend time with our family and we follow this tradition religiously. Every year we head out with our aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, parents, brothers, sisters, and the odd baby or two to get the best deals; we are truly committed. We spend days camping outside our favorite stores in order to save those $2 on that one pair of shoes-doesn’t matter that they’re the most fugly things we have ever seen. Nothing means family bonding like rushing through a store skirting around random piles of fighting people. Jumping off of the second floor to get that 3% discount on some exercise gear. Even getting the smaller members of the family to squeeze through a crowd of rabid mothers to get a copy of Mission Impossible 2.

Once the store is cleared of all articles (except a couple of Wal-Mart employees cowering in the corner) as one the horde moves on to the next store. Six hours later, 20 TV’s richer, and $30,000 in debt, we head back to our home. We tuck in the young children into bed, and thank the Big Guy for everything we are lucky enough to have.

In today's world everything revolves around social media. You can literally do anything you desire to do through your phone, computer, iPad, iPod, simply any electronic device you may have. This generation has become so obsessed with social media and electronics that all they know how to do is talk to people through a screen on their electronic device. People are getting extremely awkward to talk to in person because they rather communicate virtually. People are even starting to date online and not even making the effort to meet face to face with one another. We don’t ever need to leave our houses when everything can be done virtually. You can shop, go to school, work, socialize with all sorts of different people, watch movies, etc. there will be no reason for us to leave the house unless we go out for food, that’s if we don’t forget to eat. We live in a generation where it’s more shocking to know that you don’t have a phone than to know you have lost your virginity.